Krewe of Lego

It's no secret that I love New Orleans, especially during Carnival season. I love the sights, the sounds, the throws,the crowds, and the whole crazy atmosphere. 

One of my bucket list items is to march in a parade... And my sorta-secret wish is to ride with the Krewe of Muses someday. I want to glitter shoes and toss them to the crowd. I am a BEAST with a bottle of glue and a vat of glitter. 

I won't make it to any of the parades in 2014. I'm determined to be there again in 2015. So this year I just lived out my fantasy on a smaller scale...

My Life In Legos: Mardi Gras Muses

Organized Chaos

Despite the fact that it was colder than the Abominable Snowman's snowballs the kids went back to school this week. It's so quiet without the pitter-patter of smelly feet. For the first time I wasn't shoving the boys out the door the second break was over... maybe it's because they're older and it's just plain EASIER now. Maybe it's because I drink more.* Who knows? Honestly, though, I wouldn't have minded another purpose free day with the kids. Flake might have killed me, but I wouldn't have minded doing nothing with the boys. The problem with doing nothing, though (and trust me... this break we did a WHOLE stinking lot of absolutely nothing)- at least for me- is that it's really easy to go from "I'll just watch a little bit of the "Today Show" while I finish my coffee, then we'll get laundry going and be productive!" to "Sweet! Another six-hour marathon of Barney Miller!"

Truth: I love Barney Miller. And Magnum PI. I wish I really could find a six hour marathon. Sometimes, for no reason, I'll break into the Magnum PI theme song. Sometimes I even do it in public. I want a Detroit Tigers baseball cap to wear with my fake mustache. 

As Queen of Distraction (see my tiara?) I know the only way I'm going to get crap done is by making lists and then actually looking at the lists and doing what's on them. I'm big into lists, especially lists I can make on lined paper with good pens. Purple ink preferably. I looooooove making lists. Even my lists have lists. No, really:

From this summer. I told you so. 

Anyway, a couple of days ago I got on Pinterest in search of a biscuit recipe. Five hours later I'd downloaded 37 forms from Life Your Way to organize my life and my lists into one convenient binder. I love it. See, I'm also somewhat addicted to organizational items and concepts, most of which I never end up using... oh, but I love me some Office Depot and Staples and Office Max. I love the smell of Franklin Covey in the morning. I've been pretty much forbidden to ever purchase another planner- EVER... but I figured printing all of this stuff out was fair game, right? And it's pretty bad ass. It's like my lists got all juiced up by Jose Canseco, but with less chest pounding and morally repugnant behavior.** I've got personal information forms, places for insurance papers, pet shot records, weekly menus, and utility records. You could pretty much take over my life if you got your hands on this bad boy. (But please don't. I like my life. Except for toilets. I live in a house with three guys... you can TOTALLY take over cleaning toilets. There are four bathrooms in my house and NO ONE WILL JUST LET ME HAVE ONE TO MYSELF.)

Let me amend that... you could take over my life (toilets only, please)... AFTER I actually get it filled out. Because right now all you'd have are a bunch of neatly organized blank forms and a lovely list of our family's "Go-To Meals" (Hint: We like tacos) (Truth: Yes, I have 'sauteed zucchini and summer squash" listed... but I wouldn't advise it unless I'm the only person eating. Look, no Mom, Pirate or otherwise, wants a printed meal list that essentially says "Screw you vegetables!") Eventually, though... eventually my binder WILL be chock-full of informational goodness.

Later. Today I am getting a facial from my friend Mary Kay Heather. Dewy skin trumps bathroom cleaning lists. You know how I feel about the toilets.



*- Stop trying to send me to rehab, people. I don't really drink that much. Unless you're sending me to Promises Malibu or Crossroads in Antigua ***

**- I do not advocate the use of steroids, even for binders. 

***- I was not making fun of rehab or those with legitimate problems. But I wouldn't mind a trip to either Malibu or the islands, frankly. 


In all seriousness, a family binder or it's ilk isn't a bad thing to have. In the aftermath of the May 20th tornado, one of the things that struck me as I tried to help my friends was how MUCH there is to do... and how much they had to REMEMBER in able to do it. It was hell. Having your documents, utility information, even car insurance, VIN numbers, etc in one place- and then duplicated and stored securely in a secondary location as well- could be a lifesaver... or at the very least, a sanity saver. But you've gotta actually fill the stuff out. I recommend a nice purple pen.   

It Seems Like a Good Idea at This Time...

So, it's been a month since I left the retail world.  Leisurely mornings with a cup of homemade (read: Not $5.72) Peppermint Mocha; random lunches at the elementary school with the Z; Friday nights at football games.... not bad, not bad. Lack of a regular paycheck...well, I won't get into that.

I knew it would likely take a while to find a replacement for my former role of Technology Pimp. I figured in the meantime I'd slip back into stay at home motherhood like slipping on a favorite pair of Reef flip flops... homemade meals every night. A nice, tidy, sparkling clean house. Homework done in a timely manner. A new blog post every other day or so.

(Pause for hysterical laughter.)

Seeing as how my last blog post was a FLIPPING MONTH AGO... yeah. Didn't happen. The homemade meals? Only if frozen pizza counts... clean house? HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

So what have I been doing? Football. Youth football. Lots of it. Pinterest. Damned Pinterest. And lots of it. But it's these two things that have me all fired up for this week and ready to put my currently unemployed status into good use. See, the Z has a good buddy whose birthday is this week (today, actually... HAPPY BIRTHDAY G!), and after some discussion (and, admittedly, a few Jaegerbombs on the back deck....) we decided that HOW FUN WOULD IT BE(!) to get all of Z and G's mutual little football friends over to our house for a combination birthday/Halloween bash. We could have dinner, play some games, go trick or treating in the mutant Halloweentown subdivision next to ours, then come back and roast some marshmallows over the ole firepit. Just some good family flavored, Pinterest approved fun times, right?

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that I'm an idiot for mixing a butt-trunkload of 8-9 year old boys with my house/candy/FIRE. And you're not wrong. But for some bizarre reason whenever I am presented with the opportunity to entertain ANYONE on Halloween... I lose my mind and all powers of reasonability. Case in point: the Great Halloween party of 2010, the One Nobody Speaks About. There were FIRE ENGINES, people. Not at my house, but STILL. FIRE ENGINES ON THE CUL DE SAC. (Lesson to all: don't leave party treats on styrofoam plates that can be microwaved into smoking toxic lumps by your 3 year old.) Point being- as long as no one ends up incarcerated and nothing ends up on fire, this party will be a success.

But, see... I need a COSTUME. Okay, I don't NEED one, I guess, but I WANT ONE. Okay, in truth, I didn't even want one until yesterday when I was down in the warehouse district and saw THIS:

Take me home so I can SUCK OUT YOUR SOUL!

Is that not the creepiest freaking thing EVER? Those two dolls, sitting there in that dusty storefront window, STARING OUT AT YOU??? Isn't it FABULOUS? So I'm thinking... broken, dejected, partially psychotic (because really, why not?) old Raggedy Ann doll! I've certainly got the, ah, STUFFING for it, so to speak. But of course, rather than heading out to Spirit or Halloween Express or whatthehellever to actually PURCHASE said costume... I will be MAKING MINE. COMPLETE WITH PLASTER MASK. A mask I will MOLD TO MY OWN FACE. EPIC CRAFTING.

Why? Because I can. Because if (okay, when) the plaster gets stuck in my hair I don't have to worry about getting it out before my shift. Because I have no good sense when it comes to purchasing things from Hobby Lobby/Michaels/JoAnn's. Because PINTEREST, DAMMIT.

Crazy, abandoned Raggedy Ann doll. That's about right.


**BONUS! Post your halloween costume (or a really cool one you made for your kid this year...  Voltron- has anyone made their kid a Voltron costume this year? I have, so far, talked Z out of that EVERY year, thank God.)... this year or a year past if your creativity has been sucked dry by Parent-Teacher conferences and endless football games.  I'll pick one and send you something ridiculous. Like... like.... a decorated Cowbell of Awesomeness. Or something else. **