Monday, October 28, 2013

It Seems Like a Good Idea at This Time...

So, it's been a month since I left the retail world.  Leisurely mornings with a cup of homemade (read: Not $5.72) Peppermint Mocha; random lunches at the elementary school with the Z; Friday nights at football games.... not bad, not bad. Lack of a regular paycheck...well, I won't get into that.

I knew it would likely take a while to find a replacement for my former role of Technology Pimp. I figured in the meantime I'd slip back into stay at home motherhood like slipping on a favorite pair of Reef flip flops... homemade meals every night. A nice, tidy, sparkling clean house. Homework done in a timely manner. A new blog post every other day or so.

(Pause for hysterical laughter.)

Seeing as how my last blog post was a FLIPPING MONTH AGO... yeah. Didn't happen. The homemade meals? Only if frozen pizza counts... clean house? HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

So what have I been doing? Football. Youth football. Lots of it. Pinterest. Damned Pinterest. And lots of it. But it's these two things that have me all fired up for this week and ready to put my currently unemployed status into good use. See, the Z has a good buddy whose birthday is this week (today, actually... HAPPY BIRTHDAY G!), and after some discussion (and, admittedly, a few Jaegerbombs on the back deck....) we decided that HOW FUN WOULD IT BE(!) to get all of Z and G's mutual little football friends over to our house for a combination birthday/Halloween bash. We could have dinner, play some games, go trick or treating in the mutant Halloweentown subdivision next to ours, then come back and roast some marshmallows over the ole firepit. Just some good family flavored, Pinterest approved fun times, right?

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that I'm an idiot for mixing a butt-trunkload of 8-9 year old boys with my house/candy/FIRE. And you're not wrong. But for some bizarre reason whenever I am presented with the opportunity to entertain ANYONE on Halloween... I lose my mind and all powers of reasonability. Case in point: the Great Halloween party of 2010, the One Nobody Speaks About. There were FIRE ENGINES, people. Not at my house, but STILL. FIRE ENGINES ON THE CUL DE SAC. (Lesson to all: don't leave party treats on styrofoam plates that can be microwaved into smoking toxic lumps by your 3 year old.) Point being- as long as no one ends up incarcerated and nothing ends up on fire, this party will be a success.

But, see... I need a COSTUME. Okay, I don't NEED one, I guess, but I WANT ONE. Okay, in truth, I didn't even want one until yesterday when I was down in the warehouse district and saw THIS:
Take me home so I can SUCK OUT YOUR SOUL!

Is that not the creepiest freaking thing EVER? Those two dolls, sitting there in that dusty storefront window, STARING OUT AT YOU??? Isn't it FABULOUS? So I'm thinking... broken, dejected, partially psychotic (because really, why not?) old Raggedy Ann doll! I've certainly got the, ah, STUFFING for it, so to speak. But of course, rather than heading out to Spirit or Halloween Express or whatthehellever to actually PURCHASE said costume... I will be MAKING MINE. COMPLETE WITH PLASTER MASK. A mask I will MOLD TO MY OWN FACE. EPIC CRAFTING.

Why? Because I can. Because if (okay, when) the plaster gets stuck in my hair I don't have to worry about getting it out before my shift. Because I have no good sense when it comes to purchasing things from Hobby Lobby/Michaels/JoAnn's. Because PINTEREST, DAMMIT.

Crazy, abandoned Raggedy Ann doll. That's about right.

**BONUS! Post your halloween costume (or a really cool one you made for your kid this year...  Voltron- has anyone made their kid a Voltron costume this year? I have, so far, talked Z out of that EVERY year, thank God.)... this year or a year past if your creativity has been sucked dry by Parent-Teacher conferences and endless football games.  I'll pick one and send you something ridiculous. Like... like.... a decorated Cowbell of Awesomeness. Or something else. **