Sunday, December 29, 2013

The Bucket List

... is a movie I haven't seen starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman *I think... because, you know, I haven't seen it.*. But that's not what I'm talking about. Though I've heard it's good... maybe Netflix later...


It's the end of the year, so we all know what's coming. Resolutions, goals, possibly a hangover this Wednesday for some lucky folks. I'm as prone to a case of the "New Year, New Slate!" mania as anyone else so it should come as NO surprise that I'm sitting here with a list entitled "Crap I'd like to do in 2014." I try to be immune to the idea of setting myself up for failure every year, but I just can't stop myself. And who says I have to fail? I mean, I was intelligent this year- there's not one goal/promise/resolution/"Love note to myself" (who the eff came up with that term anyway? Love letter to myself? Lord.) that involves weight OR gym induced exercise. So it's a start.

Instead, I thought of stuff I actually WANT to do. I'm sorry, I don't WANT to go hang out on the eliptical for an hour a day, every day. My draw to the gym is the free 8 minute aqua massage I get when I'm done, or lathering up in some SPF 90 sunscreen and lying in the tanning bed while pretending I'm in the islands... and sometimes not even THAT is enough. So it's not making the list. Screw you, gym and health. You've been beaten out by cupcakes, firepits, and pinterest. (DAMN YOU PINTEREST).

So here it is: The Pirate Mommy's 2014 Bucket List

1. Go to a Saints game in the dome: I live in Chiefs country. My husband, a former SoCal boy, is a diehard Raiders fan. I've smiled and watched games for the last several years before almost accidentally falling in love with my Who Dat boys. Now I spend my Sundays swearing at the television like all Good Americans. I'd like to call the Refs "EFFING BLIND-ASS MORONS" in person, along with several thousand of my closest friends.

2. Paint something and actually hang it up. I didn't say it had to be good, or that I have to take credit for it... just that I want to DO it. "My god, what is this... this THING on your wall?" "It's a Flaffenheimer original I picked up. Bound to be worth millions someday." "It looks like your cat vomited on canvas."

3-4. Perfect screen printing and open the Etsy shop:  IT WILL HAPPEN. DAMMIT.

5. Learn a new dance. So, every so often I go out with friends and see people whirling and twirling on the dance floor or moving in boot stomping synchrinousity* and I am mad jealous.

6-7. Hike 6 trails in Missouri/Hike in Colorado. OK, I guess there is something fitnessy on there. I like hiking. I like it so much that I often wonder why I don't do it more. So, um, I guess I will do it more.

8-9. Geocache stuff- place 10 caches of our own and geocache in four states other than MO. It's like hiking... we're always saying how much we like geocaching and should do it more. What is geocaching? Mad family fun, yo.

10. Embrace my Inner Rock Star like Connie. My friend Connie is SUCH a rock star. If there's an artist in town, she meets them (and not in a ho-groupie way either. Connie is the MASTER of the meet and greet). She is utterly at ease with who she is and I love that about her. I wanna be Connie when I grow up.

11-21. A bunch of Happy Housewife Shit.  Yeah, yeah yeah. So sue me. But I am intrigued by you coupon Nazis, and we all know my obsession with Pinterest. DAMN YOU PINTEREST. However, I WILL NOT USE GLITTER. I can not make the same promises about Mod Podge.

22-23. Photo stuff.  Now that I"m not teaching people how to use their cameras on a weekly basis, I've rediscovered my mad love for my camera and creating images. So once a month I want to run away and have a mad affair with Lucille** for a day. I've also learned this year how important pictures of my family are. We had family portraits done (for the first time in EIGHT YEARS, the first time in TEN that someone other than myself has done the set up) this fall... I want to do a mini-shoot with my boys every month. It goes too fast... I want to hang onto it.

24-26. Get the Party Started. We started doing some entertaining this year, which was scary as  hell but also great. Our little Halloween party turned into over 30 kids and 20 adults and no one gave a shit that my furniture is worn and my carpet needs replaced. So in 2014 we're going to host more parties. We're going to finally tear down the swing set (SADFACE) and put in the firepit area and have a summer deck party. And once a month there's going to  be a girls' night. 2014 is about friends and family and memories.

27. And on that friendship thing... it's too easy to say you'll get together and then you don't. Screw that. There are a few people I WILL see once a month this year, with no excuses.

28. Check out two new baseball parks.  My Dodgers are coming to town (!!!!!) but I still have the goal of visiting EVERY major league park. This summer we're going to tick two off of our list.

29. Find a spiritual home.  I don't talk about religion because I'd like to stay friends with people... but this year I'd like us to find a place where the grey spaces of our personal beliefs can find a resting spot.

30. Build Gingerbread Houses. Lots of them.  So, every year my kid's school has a Gingerbread house competition in late November/early December. The Z REALLY wants to participate, but there's some stout competition. So we're going to prepare. While you're at the gym, we'll be chilling dough and perfecting our royal icing. Valentine's Day cottages. Lake Cabins with licorice rope swings. And when November rolls around WE WILL DOMINATE. Go big or go home.

31. Maybe, actually do something with this blog.  I'm not really sure what that means, but I'm sure it means something. A lot of the people (by which I mean five) that read what I write tell me that they kind of enjoy it. It, on occasion, makes them giggle a little bit. I like to write. I've been writing stuff to make people happy since second grade. I'd like to develop the discipline to actually do it on a regular basis. If you approve, you can donate $10 to the cause. If  you don't approve, you can donate $10 to get me to stop. I'm just kidding.*** If you like it, you can leave me comments here on the blog... because like 99.9% of the population, I'm an attention whore at heart. Me likey the comment button.

*I know "sychrinousity" isn't a real word... because I looked it up. I like the way it sounds though, so kiss off. If  "twerk" can make the dictionary, I can  bastardize the English language at whim.

** Lucille is my camera, an aging Nikon D300 with whom I've had a nearly 7 year affair. She's not an actual female human. My husband wouldn't enjoy me going off and having an affair with a real live human female unless I videotaped.

***I really was kidding, unless you want to send me $10. Then I wasn't kidding AT ALL.